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rest in paradise

As much as I love summer, August is always a rough month.

It’s the anniversary of both my Ojīchan (2005) and O bāchan (2015), and now it will also be a time we remember Jimmy on his birthday (8/8).

I also reflect on a close high school friend I lost back in 2005 to suicide, as Suicide Awareness day approaches in September. I evaluate the ways in which I keep her memory alive by applying what I admired most about her to my every day life.

The thought of these losses can pull at my heart harder some days than others. I try to remind myself this is a moment to pause and be grateful for what currently fills my life. It lets me reset and trim the fat. Each day is a gift and I refuse to see it any other way, or waste my time and energy feeling anything but hope, even when things feel grim.

Your life can end a lot sooner if you let it. When I look into the eyes of certain people it’s evident they gave up a long time ago. That will never be me.

When you’ve pulled yourself through and out of hell it’s hard to let yourself circle back.

Life’s too short. It is meant to be lived, especially for those who no longer can.

hello, old friend

I was going to Top 5 my reasons for coming back, but I’ll save that for another time.

I’ve missed sitting with my thoughts. Twitter has been a nice way to remember moments in 140 characters, but I miss substantial posts to look back on when I think about certain periods of my life. I’ve missed documenting life, from LiveJournal to Xanga to blogger and more.

We all know [wo]man’s obsession with time and wanting more of it, and I can’t believe I have not written since January 5, 2016. That’s like 959 days. So much has sped by–both happy and sad–since then. Though 2016 had it’s highs and 2017 has been a tough year, I want to remember it all.

Time to slow things down again with my first love: words.

So, I’m back.

Purpose

I told myself I was going to write today, but first I was going to do yoga. I’ve sat for too long and now I don’t want to move. So I’ll write before these thoughts, and the urge, escapes me.

I know I’m days late, but I want to take a moment to reflect on 2015. It was a whirlwind year filled with highs and lows.

I always knew a lot could happen in a year. But this year I truly felt it.

One year ago I had a boyfriend. Today I have a fiance. A year from now I’ll be married.

One year ago today I was training for my 2nd full marathon. Today I’m considering my third, even though I told myself I was done training for a while. In a year I will likely be having the same crazy thoughts.

One year ago today Obachan (grandma) was still with us. Today she is with me, always, in spirit. I hope to continue making her proud with each year.

One year ago I was trying to find the right path and doors opened. Today each day is filled with the things I love most. A year from now I will ensure this feeling has compounded.

Days have been long, but productive. They usually begin at 0400 and aren’t over until I’m still for more than 15 minutes and it hits me.

I attended training for a project that I’m really excited to be a part of. We’re exploring consequences of the seemingly inconsequential: the inescapable impact of a single moment with high schoolers.

As I fall more in love with this, I find myself exploring the prompts through my own life. Seeing the decisions and choices that shaped my life and forever changed it’s trajectory, for better and for worse.

Years ago, someone I still quietly admire gave me advice when I was in a rut. I was in the thick of it and [s]he could pinpoint it without my saying a word. I thought our conversation would be an outpouring of all ailing me, but [s]he taught me something so valuable in that precious hour – the importance of aligning your heart with your actions and persevering until you get there.

[S]he talked me off the mentally tumultuous ledge I was teetering each day and those precious 60 minutes helped me regroup. I couldn’t recognize it then but I can see it in hindsight. I shifted my focus and slowly found clarity.

I mention this because I’ve been fortunate to have aligned my heart with my passion and actions the last year. In doing so I’ve found purpose in places I never dreamed, and it feels really good.

Transitions

Life is funny sometimes.

Much has happened in the last two years. 

Even more has happened in the last 4 months:

I’m a year wiser.

Jeffrey proposed.

Grandma went in and out of the hospital.

I accepted a new position at the company I adore.

Dad spent 44 days in the hospital–still recovering.

Grandma continues to decline. It’s a matter of time now…

Sometimes things fall apart.

That’s when we let others carry us.

Right through the thick of it, when we want to give up. 

When we want to just stop; eat our emotions; cry our eyes out.

Friends get us through it all, and for that I am grateful.

Excerpt shared by @glory_anne from “A Little Life: A Novel”

 
Life is interesting. Regardless of the inevitable, it continues to excite me.

Friends, thank you for brightening my days.

T

Ojiisan

happy birthday, grandpa keoki.

Keoki

tomorrow will be six years. miss you lots, now and always.

♥ mayumi-chan

c r e a t i v i t y

Creative individuals are remarkable for their ability to adapt to almost any situation and to make do with whatever is at hand to reach their goals.

If I had to express in one word what makes their personalities different from others, it’s complexity.

They show tendencies of thought and action that in most people are segregated. They contain contradictory extremes; instead of being an “individual,” each of them is a “multitude.”

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Glad to know my “crazy” has meaning and purpose. 😉

Ten paradoxical traits of the creative personality

1. Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they’re also often quiet and at rest.

2. Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time.

3. Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.

4. Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality.

5. Creative people tend to be both extroverted and introverted.

6. Creative people are humble and proud at the same time.

7. Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.

8. Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.

9. Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.

10. Creative people’s openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment.

For the full article with lots of juicy details, click right here.

♥ mayumi

¡ M O V E !